Fake Steve Jobs Gets Very Real

I’m not a huge fan of fake Steve Jobs. I just never was. That being said Dan Lyons has written what could be the most important story of his career. He wrote the truth about something a few of us have known for awhile. It’s all a scam. All of it. Arrington of Techcrunch made some remarks in Seattle, the newest town to hate him, about being ready to get out of blogging. The only problem is no one wants him. You can pick from any number of reasons really, but the truth of the matter is TechCrunch doesn’t mean anything to big media companies. They just don’t. Mike can have every webtard in the universe at his Disrupt conference, and it doesn’t mean a thing. Why? Because all this crap is replaceable in a heartbeat. Articles about twitter being down? The iPhone is sold out. Are you kidding me? This stuff is a joke. A joke. I don’t care about their opinions either. Do you really care if MG likes his phone? I suspect that any real editor looks at Techcrunch as is like WTF is this even supposed to be? Is it a tech site? Is it a personal blog for Mike to vent about all who have wronged him? What is this? Any real media content guy sees that TechCrunch is a disaster. What about the traffic? What about it. It’s garbage. This site gets more engaged readers than TechCrunch does. I bet, in fact I know my click-throughs are better than theirs. more…

Monday Matters #47

The mean girls addition. Here’s the first idiotic article from Techcrunch. He is the disclaimer. Just look at the comments. Your public has spoken and they think you suck.

Today’s show brought to by Dontpressoneforenglish.com

Soluto? Really?


So Soluto won “Corr-Disrupt.” Really now. It’s Norton 2.0. Are you going to tell me that’s disruptive in 2010? Software to make your PC run better? Really that’s the whole thing? It’s not needed or used on Macs. Software that helps to prevent PC’s from crashing is considered disruptive now. Easily the stupidest thing I’ve seen since the advent of Techcrunch TV.

Gelato was more disruptive to the ice cream industry than Soluto is to tech.

Top 10 Tips For Techcrunch Disrupt Attendees

Techcrunch is having their first event since fucking up the TC50 franchise because Mike wanted to screw Jason over money. It’s called Techcrunch Disprupt and it’s being held in my hometown of NYC. Since most of the attendees are these asperger poster boys from the valley I thought I’d give some pointers to these ‘tards on how to behave in the big city and avoid getting beaten up or in some deep shit. None of these guys are particularly street savvy. Here are some basic tips for them.

1. Adderall is not a commonly used drug here in NY. We are old fashioned that way, weed and blow sure. Better bring your own Adderall.

2. Hot chicks don’t give a fuck about the web here. They don’t give a shit about your start-up. Failing as lesson thing just won’t fly with them. You guys have no shot whatsoever.

3. Forget about cool clubs, you are not getting in, you are a fucking dork. If you do manage to get in they will only offer you bottle service which costs more than your shitty startup has in revenues. Take another round to pay for a round.

4. Hookers don’t give a fuck about the web here. They don’t give a shit about your start-up. Failing as lesson thing just won’t fly with them. Just be polite and pay in advance, if you fuck with them in any way, a real live black pimp like on TV will bust a cap in your dumb ass.

5. The hot dogs on the street are awesome.

6. Entrepreneurs are not respected here. It’s a sign of laziness and indecisiveness.

7. Black people here are quite different than their West Coast counterparts. I strongly suggest you act accordingly.

8. Other businessmen here will look down on you, they work harder, make more money, and are better dressed.

9. Puerto Ricans are quite different than Mexicans.

10. Be polite and nice and you’ll be fine. If you are arrogant or a dick to someone expect to get the shit beat out of you.

The Death of Techcrunch 50

It was announced today that the TC50 conference put on by Jason Calacanis and Mike Arrington is no more. This is a shame, but hardly surprising considering the personalities of both men. I attended two of these conferences and it was obvious who the driving force was. Jason. Outgoing, talkative, a leader, a mentor. Mike on the other hand was his usual self. Sullen, withdrawn, obnoxious, and most importantly babyish. If you attended the last one you got to see this firsthand. Mike’s immaturity got the best of him as he walked off stage at the award ceremony leaving Jason to keep the show going, which he did like the wannabee movie star he is. It was appalling to witness as Mike threw a tantrum and went home disrespecting his partner and friend, not to mention his employees, attendees and the companies who were there. It was classic baby bullshit. I remember Mike said on stage “You don’t need me, it’s the Jason Calacanis show.” Well at least he was right about one thing. J didn’t need him.

The great irony is that earlier in the year I was helping to produce “The Crunchies”. Two hours before the show, his own show, Mikey decides he’s not going. I said to him “Hey stupid, what do you mean your not going? It’s your fucking show.” “Don’t care” he says “I’m going skiing”. And that’s exactly what he did, he left. His dumbfounded staff was like WTF? My answer? “Fuck him, we have a show to do.” We show up at the theater and as I’m writing Erick’s monologue, Jason walks in, I tell him the story and he is shocked, but more importantly sympathetic for the TC team. What was his answer? “Fuck him we have a show to do.” And that’s what we did, we put on a show. A damn good one as well. The techcrunch team stepped up and did what they had to do, all of them were heroes, except one, the baby who went skiing. At that point I was pretty tight with TC crew. I was so proud of these guys, these aren’t seasoned performers, these aren’t “show people”. Erick ended up doing a great job and their whole team demonstrated an Esprit De Corps that their “leader” couldn’t muster. And who was there, a bundle of energy, going nuts pumping everyone up? Yup Jason. He was backstage and vital to that show’s success. His and mine friend’s show. We wanted to make sure our friends big night was a success. We all succeeded that night. Without grumpy boy.

I know the full story behind the genesis of the TC50 conference, and the truth is, it was always Jason’s idea. He had put these things on many years before Mike Arrington existed. This is just fact. That’s neither here nor there though, the thing is Mikey yet again demonstrates his unique ability to be a shithead to those who love him the most. The dime store analysis? He deep down knows he doesn’t deserve it. He’s also probably right.

Anyway, like all stories this has an end. Unfortunately it’s not happy. These two maniacs were good together. I know how much Jason really cares for Mike and it’s a damn shame that Mike once again hurts those who care about him most. Such is life. Now we have two conferences from our heroes. Mike has “Disrupt” that’s web talk for big idea. It’s also bullshit and has a negative connotation to the real world. Jason will have “Launch” that is web talk for a start. It’s also a very positive word in the real world. Interesting names, and reflective of their founders personalities. I know which one I’ll be attending, after my own of course.