Long lines a million strong of dopes lined up in the putrid heat of their own stench all over the world today. Their eyes yellow, much like the spots they would soon see on the devices rushed out of China to get to them, and make them feel better. They will play with it, some will try and break it on purpose like some sort of geektard act of rebellion. The bloggers will blog, the stats will come out, people will blog more, more stats, complaining,  blogggggggg. Hey that face thing is cool. Once. Here’s an app idea for you. Chatroulette on your iPhone. I want a penis on my iPhone immediately. The flash is bright though, I hope it brightens up the usual barrage of nightmare phone calls I get if I hold the phone in my right hand only. The front and back is glass. Special glass, no razor marks not matter how much you chop on it. What else? HD video, now with iMovie. That’s a game changer. Now we’ll have blurry, poorly edited, poorly lit, poorly everything video. I’m sure YouTube is happy they beat Viacom today so they can host all these precious memories we are all making.

This whole anthropomorphistic behavior with these gadgets is weird. They are new versions of us, you know that don’t you? With each new iPhone Steve is selling a new you. It’s not a phone, it’s your life. It represents you, and with each version we hope to get as good as the phone. It’s hope, Steve is selling you hope. If this magical device is this good and it holds all my shit, then I must be good. I don’t know maybe you are as good as your phone, maybe not. Personally I think I’m better than my phone, but then again I didn’t wait on line all day.